She likes to imagine (it's one of her most closely held secrets) that she has a touch of brilliance herself, just a hint of it, though she knows most people walk around with similar hopeful suspicions curled up like tiny fists inside them, never divulged.

The Hours, Michael Cunningham.

2.17am.

I was thinking about old photographs, and how there really aren't just tons lying around of, say, our parents when they were children, their old kindergarten drawings, etc. I imagine that my grandmother had plenty of the like, all kinds of tidbits of information and keepsakes she had saved, but when she died, no one is really going to go through all the scattered bits of indecipherable paraphernalia, or even know the stories behind them. so much gets lost when a person dies.

so it made me think about people's websites, and how much information is stored about so many people's lives.

but when I die, who will keep these files attached to the internet?

who will save my computer from its eventual trash?

certainly, by this point, there are people who have died, leaving their souls suspended online. another clock to tick away, but perhaps more slowly?

a girl from my 59-person graduating class is in a similar position. I didn't even remember that when I first started writing this.

)()()()(

finished the hours this week and have crushy love for virginia woolf. read the space travel timeline from the ny times almanac. how sad that no one really pays attention to it anymore until rockets blow up. we've done some amazingly rockin' shit in the past thirty years or so. picked up four arguments for the elimination of television at the awesome bookstore recently--actually nicholas bought it for me because he's my prince who rescues me from a lack of bizarre reading material--and have been intrigued and contemplated complete abstinance, but am saddened to think of never seeing butters again, or monica. I know friends isn't like "cool" and stuff, all mass appeal to the nation, but I have such a unhealthy connection with monica sometimes. I truly UNDERSTAND when she says/does something intended to be uproariously neurotic. read too many newsgroup posts and random internet spewings.

not that I don't partake of some of those spewings myself when I get fucked up on a thursday night.