11 May 2005

Like the desert waiting for the rain
Like a school kid waiting for the spring
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home and turn me on


Reasons to apply to graduate schools:

  • I am pretty much in love with the idea of having people call me Dr. How bad is it that I think that could be my favorite reason?
  • I'm good at school, and should have something more than the standard college diploma to show for it, I think. This is a poor reason as well, as I know that I don't need to show off my accomplishments to be happy, but I think it is more a matter of demonstrating it to myself than it is to anyone else.
  • I'm good at the application process; I spent so many hours and hours—the vast majority of my waking ones that weren't absorbed by rolling my eyes at the general high school population—in the deliberation of college applications during my junior and senior years, and then I ended up going to GT, whose application took me a good 15 minutes or so.
  • I have the opportunity to do something I know I would enjoy, and I think would likely lead to a more satisfying life as a whole, so I would be stupid not to take advantage of it, when some people have a much harder and longer struggle just for the chance to spend years learning.
  • It would give me an opportunity to take a summer or three in Europe with the help of student loans.
  • I still have some sadness that I didn't take the initiative to get to know many of my professors very well, especially considering that there were a few whose lives and work enormously impressed me. It makes me ecstatic to think that incredible people might be interested in helping me find my potential to be incredible myself. Perhaps it involves the intractable goal of getting my Ph.D., and perhaps it involves discovering another dream through college, but I feel like my goals are almost all centered around the process of discovery that is embodied in learning.

    Reasons to do something else:

  • I might not get accepted.
  • I might not have the current levels of motivation I do for very long and/or I get discouraged too easily. But perhaps not discouraged in a long-term sense; I am pretty stubborn once I am certain of what I want.
  • I am so ambivalent about what I want to do with my life, I don't know if I can stick with one dream for long enough. See previous entry, re: absurd amounts of interest in every aspect of the world lately.
  • If I get a Masters and not a Ph.D., I'm going to feel like a quitter, at least a little bit, even though an M.S. probably suits my disposition and desires a little better? I cannot see from here whether or not I have the drive/criteria/good luck to succeed in a Ph.D. program, but I definitely have the blind desire.

    Yeah. I realize that all the reasons not to apply/go have to do with a fear of failure, and I find that absolutely not a valid reason. I am going to bite the bullet. And not think about the reason I forgot up there, which is that school is expensive, especially up in NYC. Anyone in the market for an iBook or a closet full of crazy clothes or maybe a Volvo in the next year?


    • × • × • × •


    My Dove chocolate just told me to "Go easy on yourself." But I've done that for years now! I haven't had a serious demand for my brain in ages. Maybe they actually meant: Go easy on the chocolate, missy. Even though we are financially pleased by your addiction and repetition, it can't be good for your health to consistently get through the afternoon fueled by sugarsugarsugarsugarsugarsugarsugar


    • × • × • × •


    I adore Norah Jones lately. Why do people get all uppity and think their esoteric music is better than a perfect velvety voice?


    <<< ||| >>>