5.58pm
Friday
4 November 2005

I've come to realize that in relationships, other people's expression of any vulnerability to me is far far more than just a turn-off. It's a phobia, an absurd fear and reluctant obsession with the ability to hurt boys. If any evidence comes to the surface that I am capable of causing real pain to a person, particularly real pain as a result of some unintentional action, my preferred action is to cut off all contact completely. Sometimes I'll lay out tests, checking for any evidence of pain or hurt from silly and intentional meanness, and if I find any I roll my eyes and gauge the reaction to that, hoping it will roll like water off your back.

Being cynical and jaded, not to mention self-important, it's probably common that I come across as a bitch, after all this.

I'm not though. I love the people who are tough enough with a fierceness that would burn the rest of you wusses.

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