3.23pm
Tuesday
22 November 2005

She says it helps with the lights out

—Interpol, "Leif Erikson"

I wrote down the time at the top of this entry and then let it sit here blank at 12.12p, 2.32p, 3.09p. It feels like I'm stuttering.

I do have many pretty silvery threads running through my life right now: A little piece of writing I enjoyed putting a bit of work into yesterday. Christmas with people I love. Love, Actually. A possible cool new housemate. Giving myself permission to go back to my super healthy attitude with eating—whatever the hell I want—this month. Three delicious desserts and a beautiful movie last night. Comforting plans with family and old friends in Savannah. A four-day weekend! Warm winter coats. Stimulating emails. An easel and paints set up in my house. A week-long NYC trip in the works. A new boy that excites me in every way. An entire evening with him tomorrow!

• × • × • × •

I was asked where I see myself in twenty years. It's a long time, and I first thought any plan for something so far away would be impossible. And I am at a crossroads with respect to my career. And I want terribly to have a single powerful love in my life, but how can you plan for such a thing?

I don't even know where I MIGHT want to settle down. Or if I do.

I don't even know if I will ever be up for taking a real risk on acting or writing or art...

But I do like the idea of being more comfortable in my own skin. And I like the thought of becoming more self-assured, instead of naively egotistical. I am pleased with my recent realization that social and intelligent people do continue to get incredibly much more vital and interesting as they get older.

<<< ||| >>>