17 May 2006

I've been having all these crazy nightmares (I woke up this morning moaning "Noooooooooo!") and I'm super easily distracted and I want to burn down the world a little bit sometimes. It's really frustrating. A week ago I called a bunch of friends late at night and told them that I was that really wild white-hot-lava-flow kind of furious, that I was so angry that I was actually a little scared, and did they think it would help if I tore my bed in two with my bare hands and then threw it out the window where hopefully it would crush a bunch of beautiful spring flowers and some month-old puppies? Or did they suggest that I settle for blowing up my car with the enraged power of my mind and letting the wreckage settle peacefully at the bottom of the Sound instead? How about swallowing a couple of pairs of high heels, raw, with no teriyaki sauce or anything, and then spitting them out splashfully on the sidewalk on Market Street during everyone else's commute home, would that be useful? "IS THIS NORMAL?" I yelled into various voicemails. Burn down the world, indeed.

I was pouring my heart out to my lovely Linda over pho and cream puffs and Thai iced tea this afternoon and she said, "Girl, in a couple of months you are going to be so filled with new things and new experiences and new everything that there will be no room in your head for any of this nonsense."



Signed up for some classes today.


I'll probably drop one or two of those once I get approved (I think I will) for ADV MACHINE LEARNING, which is my main point of pleasure right now. I only signed up for the linear programming class because it's the only fall course taught by a female professor, which is probably a dumb reason, and the analysis of algorithms lectures are at godawful times if I am going to try to get a bit of a day job (I am).

(Which means that I'm going to be so dead all the time that I don't know what the point is of being in NYC.)

(Except that bursting pride/excitement/terror I've been getting off on lately.)


• × • × • × •


becky l: I think we should split into folks who want to coasters and folks who want to do something else!
me: there is a new kid roller coaster
me: haha
becky l: the elsers could goto dads garage or something
becky l: haha I would miss Monster Plantation
me: hahaha, monster plantation scares the bejesus out of me
becky l: it's the leaky boats, isnt it?
me: and the moldy cobweby things that look like a hand is about to drop off and disintegrate in your hair
me: and the smell
becky l: lol
me: and the neon blacklight scary things from the 60s that are now falling apart but filled with all the souls of little children they've terrified over the ages

I want to go to Six Flags Friday night so so so badly and the stars are trying to prevent it!

And/or I'm worried that I'm conning too many people on all sides and I will never satisfy everyone!


• × • × • × •


I got JPod in the mail today and it is thick as hell. Oh, Douglas Coupland, what are we going to do with you and your overhefty dotcom allusions?

(Still in the middle of the Marquez, the Russian Debutante mess, was really enticed to pick House of Leaves up again by Poe this morning on the drive into Atlanta.)

Too much to do, and I don't know how things ever get done anymore.

5.13pm, edited to add: I am in a serious fucking funk. Get a life, mcc.


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