Thursday to Monday
22 through 26 of September 2005

Transcribed

D

If I could only achieve some sense of self-possession and discipline*, I believe I would have far more waking hours and thus, also more free and/or fun time, and also, theoretically, I would love all god's children equally, instead of reserving such a strong little pocket of bitterness and regret, like that which fills LGA workers' souls.

I suppose the bitterness should be saved for the new [shittiness? skilled? indecipherable] Lindsey Lohan, who may die soon but let me say now that it was not my fault, I had nothing to do with it.

*Other things in which a sense of self-discipline would come in handy: 1) not eating every single thing that I crave at every single craving**, 2) sticking with any hobby, journal, talent or interest I've ever taken up.

**I liked my old status as Super Brooklyn Diet/Exercise/Charisma Girl, though they left me mid-nap at least once.

NAPNAPNAP

We hope you have an enjoyable stay here in Atlanta, or where ever your final destination may be.

• × • × • × •

E

Mike and I ate an immensely amazing meal on my last night in the city.

• × • × • × •

N

this city
   rocks me.

it makes me happy excited rejuven
ated calm satiated wild nervous
wet scared hot anticipatory
unstoppable unshakeable involved
uninvolved sick dirty inspired
reclusive communicative (?)

• × • × • × •

O

Overprivileged. Kids who shop at the most snotty and pretentious and imported-goods-laden college grocery I could ever have conceived, on Broadway and 116th, for Columbia students who grew up in Connecticut w. equestrian lessons and au pairs, who think eating cheaply involves $3 yogurt drinks, or don't even consider the fact that being a college student involves living cheaply.

But of course I just bought one so don't listen to a single goddamned word I say please.

• × • × • × •

S

I wonder if regular, intelligent and good-hearted black guys ever contemplate the possibility of being a participant in the stereotypical passion play between races and genders when they come across vulnerable lonely me in the early smoky hours of the morning before the melting sun appears. Because I tenuously doubt whether I should be worried. Every time. Is it ingrained in society enough to brand it through their heads too? How much terror is throbbing in her veins? How entertaining it might be to enjoy the ravages of it?

I originally picked S to place this little thought experience because it related to Carrie Bradshaw's singular criminal encounter, which was not at night and not with someone of African-American origins, but simply a scrummy* white dude. I wonder whether they had a carefully politically correct discussion or even a mention of what person it would be, threatening her with death in a metal toy.

*I claim this word, though I suppose the OED only rarely gives attributions.

• × • × • × •

T

Travis was an intriguing conversationalist, and as well knew a bit about O'Toole and Confed. of Dunces, snappy with the answer like he was going to beat me at Jeopardy. AND recommended Kissing in Manhattan (good rec, mister! kiss the smoke in the irishwoman's mouth, please.) Good good, maybe I can make him train me to run the NY marathon and not die. Poor poor rich money blah blah blah. Do I really know the meaningful things are unrelated to money, class, status? Do I really get that it's all a toying game to puzzle us and give us a bit of a challenge and competition at that before we run out and have it laid ever so clearly that the only incredibly powerful moments lie in those connections that we create that truly connect us outside ourselves. Surely some people can figure out that kind of connection with things aside from other human beings, though it's frowned upon and also, probably much harder to make it about anything but yourself.

--liberally adapted from e.e.

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