4.28pm.

Top five favorite songs of my first month at the new job, according to iTunes'
Play Count feature:

   ! <b>Halves and Have-Nots</b> Mates of State
   ! <b>Baby, I Know What You're Thinking</b> The Mendoza Line
   ! <b>Almost Was Good Enough</b> Songs: Ohia
   ! <b>Come On Let's Go</b> Broadcast
   ! <b>Company Calls Epilogue</b> Death Cab for Cutie

Truly, I do usually listen to albums all the way through, and not just
individual songs, but the above average rankings of the above songs all occurred
due to my need to back that shit up and hear them over again when they get to
their ends.

I could probably listen to Halves and Have-Nots on repeat all day.

)()()(

I am pondering whether there is any capacity in my brain to not really hate and
be disgusted by exboyfriends.  Every single male that I have broken up with,
even the last two major ones who I made attempts to continue some form of
friendship with, ends up at the receiving end of massive amounts of contempt
from me.  I have stated in the past that one Scorpio characteristic I possess in
spades is the difficulty to let anyone truly in on the major important things in
my head; when a person knows things about me that I am so hesitant to release,
it is unbelievably disturbing to then realize that there is no True Connection
that was deserving of such.  There isn't any Secret in particular, but the vague
notions of my soul in another person make me want to vomit.

)()()(

My life just feels so much more <i>HEALTHY</i> now, in all dimensions.  It makes
me want to make everyone else as happy as I am, but it also makes me want to
give up on them if they cannot just recognize how much of happiness is just a
state of mind.  And a capability to not have negativity shoved at you on a
regular basis.

It--unbelievably, it seems to me--<i>is</i> possible to have really good, really
nice things and not have to have even a little bit of real negativity forced
upon you.  Maybe I used to think that it was some sort of compensation; if
things really are unbelievably awesome sometimes, you can put up with a little
bit of awful.  Maybe I thought it made the awesome feel even nicer.

I feel that I am finally breathing, now that I know that things <i>can</i> be
just happy.