current.state.of.mind

Live                                          
never to be                            
ashamed if anything you do
or say is published  
around the world --
even if                          
what is published                
is not true.                      

--Richard Bach, Illusions


11.30.99

listening Tori Amos, Foo Fighters, Ani Difranco MP3's work on your own MP3's
watching The Matrix tomorrow night on ION     everyone says it's the best movie ever. Go see mine.
reading
[for fun?]
Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah Richard Bach is an amazing author.
thinking maybe I'll write something Diaryland!
surfing interesting things Alex Massie's story
also... I miss my friends but not my school



            "John Galt spent years looking for it.
                He crossed oceans,
          and he crossed deserts, and he went down into
forgotten mines,
           miles under the earth.
              But he found it on the top of a mountain.
    It took him ten years to climb that mountain.
                 It broke every bone in his body, it tore the skin
from his hands, it made him lose his home, his name, his love.
                         But he climbed it.
               He found the fountain of youth, which he wanted to bring down to men.
                     Only he never came back."
                          "Why didn't he?" she asked.
                                  "He found
                                             that it couldn't be brought down."

                 --Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged



2.26.01

listening rockabye rockabye baby
rockabye baby that is me
buy some tickets,
maybe you'll get lucky
and learn what song I'm talking about.
watching shit. don't follow my example, kids. Of course, if you want to get addicted, don't blame me.
reading
[for fun?]
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Only 10 months left...
thinking it's been a long time since I was here, eh?
it only becomes a priority when there are a    
thousand other things I also desperately
need to work on
like writing the code for this.
I wish I were a smarter CS major
surfing not as much lately but I still love jo
also... I'm going to NYC!    'Cause everyone's my friend in New York City

every                                          
tool                           
is a weapon            
if              
you     
hold it          
right    

--ani


3.13.01

listening love songs if we sleep together will you be my friend forever?             
the love I was givin' you was... never in doubt
where you lead I will follow              
is it alright if I swear to you without a sound?
watching the outdoors but um,   
I can't really link to the outside.
If you wanna go, you'll have to take yourself there
on your own.        
reading
[for fun?]
my girl Sylvia because I'm a sucker for pretty little books
thinking that I don't mind being back to school if the        
weather will stay
beautiful
it was beautiful here too, though
surfing slowly but everyday--
still stopping at Bad Hair Days, as per usual
also... NYC was awesome this link will give you pictures in a few days...

            "John Galt was a millionaire, a man
                of inestimable wealth. He was sailing his yacht one night, in the mid-Atlantic
          fighting the worst storm ever wreaked upon the world,
when he found it.
            He saw it in the depth, where it had sunk
              to escape the reach of men.
    He saw the towers of Atlantis shining on the bottom of the ocean.
                  It was a sight of such kind that when one had seen it, one could
no longer wish to look at the rest of the earth. John Galt sank his ship
                          and went down with his entire crew.
              They all chose to do it. My friend
                     was the only one who survived."
                          "How interesting."
                                   He chuckled at her brusque departure. Dagny asked coldly,
                                             "What's the joke?"
            "The joke's on that fool woman. She doesn't know that
                                    she was telling you the truth."

                 --Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged


3.23.01

listening rain songs I can't go outside, I'm afraid I might not make it
home
watching the insides of my eyelids... well, now I'm just being silly
reading
[for fun?]
Infinite Jest I know someone who is exchanging emails with the
dazzling man himself
thinking that I am too adamant a procrastinator to remain
CS much longer
pick a major for me!
surfing with Opera's load of bookmarks-- I could spend
years exploring it all
get your own load of time-wasters! (if you're a cool
Linux kid)
also... those pictures still aren't up, eh? you could rifle around in here?

Your only                              
obligation in any lifetime
is to be true to yourself.  
Being true to anyone else or    
anything else is not only                      
impossible, but the                            
mark of a fake                                
messiah.                                      

--Messiah's Handbook, Reminders for the Advanced Soul


3.30.01

listening godspeed you black emperor!
              'hung over as the over in maida'
got the idea from their top 40 most important
people making music right now. Who's gonna argue
with my Thom as the top?
watching Jerri's ass get booted! too bad the show sucks and I hate it, and I
definitely wasn't cheering like a mad woman when
she admitted her checkmate. I definitely don't go
to their shitty website either.
reading
[for fun?]
about quidditch and lethifolds (which, thanks to my
reading, I can tell you are more frequently referred
to as Living Shrouds)
confused?
thinking about smiles, tears, and cantaloupe. I'm pretty sure
I like all of them.
an example: I like crying in movies
surfing squishy
[Note, 7.24.01: squishy no more]
I got taught how to sweep when I worked at
Zanzare, years and years ago
or for something more typical: tiny wooden hands!
or for a learning experience: have some val day [Thus, none of these links work anymore. Sorry, kids, you missed out!]
also... it's early! (or is it late?)

be still
                                    my heart
                        engine turning over, won't you start?
  and guess who's come to tear me all apart?
be still my heart
                          just read those eyes,
                trembling lips, and carborator sighs
                      even though I know they're telling lies
be still my heart

            --Mirah, Engine Heart


4.4.01

listening to Revelling and Reckoning, of course. even though ani's wrong: math can too take you there
coveting an A in 2130, some cinnamon toast
crunch, my very own pony, and many
other things
idea stolen from an bei's pretty new page
reading
[for fun?]
Inked Over, Ripped Out a random purchase from the Strand's 8 miles of books
thinking about going to Athens this weekend with Ean and Sam 'cause Ean promised me a case of Smirn Office!
(learn how to subtract before you go there, though, kids)
surfing stee. the Robert Downey humor king. "You know what? I'm erasing you from my speed-dial
because I don't deserve to be your friend,
you're just that goddamn motherfucking
titty-sucking cool."




"I think of that girl I read about in the paper--
the one with the flammable skirt. She'd bought a
rayon          
chiffon
          skirt,
purple, with wavy lines all over it.
She wore it to a party and was dancing,
too close to the vanilla-smelling
candles, and suddenly she lit up like a pine needle torch.
When the boy dancing next to her felt the heat and smelled the plasticky smell,
he screamed and rolled the burning girl
up in the carpet. She got third-degree burns up and down her thighs.

But what I keep wondering is this:
the first second
when she felt her skirt burning,
what did she think?
Before she knew it was the candles, did she think she'd done it herself?
With the amazing turns of her hips,
and the warmth of the music inside her,
did she believe, even for one glorious second,
that her passion had arrived?"




back