sometimes i feel so happy sometimes i feel so sad

regretting: that I did not start writing 5 hours ago when I was just in the most contemplative mood, after talking to my wonderful brother for hours, listening to the Velvet Underground, and some beautiful early Beach Boys (M, you were right about the vocal harmonies, they are untimately superior. I still must heart Ben Folds Five forever though) (and you should too!) and Superdrag, and Mazzy Star's cover of Sweet Jane, which I should add to the list of songs that I can listen to for hours and hours. As well as the song that this particular page derives its title from.
instead?: read all the little jokes in a Playboy, checked newsgroups from afar, read and wrote lotsa mail to someone I miss desperately with every part of my body
how's the unpacking going?: you see me typing, doncha? thus, I've obviously moved back into my old room in all the ways that matter.
found!: those NYC pics I was talking about about a long long while ago. Of course, I wouldn't bother to actually have a scanner, so.

I got reminded during the multiple hours with Daddy today that, while I made it seem as if he never sat down and talked to me about stuff and that's why it was so special, he really just talks about weird random facts constantly, and it's just a rare event that it's something that I'm insanely enthusiatic about too. Really, there are few people in the world that are as good at answering my sometimes-bizarre and usually-out-of-left-field questions about how things work, and what's going on in the world. I found out today: how the original gas pumps worked, and how the amount of gas was measured before it was deposited into the tank; that there is no way he was going to see free junk placed outside the dorms without taking some of it (but I already knew that); what would make the front dash on the car vibrate so much more than the normal amount; that there's a real cool thing in development right now: a can that has a twist mechanism that starts a quick little chemical reaction, that creates a vacuum that sucks the heat out of the can, and cools it down to about 40 degrees in 3 minutes. Apparently, the guy who's making them believes they'll only add about a dollar to the price of a soft drink or beer, and yes, I know, you can just buy those refrigerated there in the store, but how fun would that be? whoo! twist! freeze! I guess they could already do that, though, eh? Nedry had one in Jurassic Park (ack! speaking of which, can you not wait for JPIII or what?! Sam Neill is back, Tea Leoni's gonna do some annoying girly screamin', ah, how much I love those dinosaurs. Apparently they've not only been changing sex and migrating, but now they're mutating into more deadly forms!); how to replace the fin of an incredibly nice waterski, such that it won't keep getting out of place by 1/1000th of an inch every time it is skied upon; how this cool gizmo worked that we used to strap stuff to the top of the car: it had a tightening clasp, that if you primed, it would make the rope super tight; the Savannah Morning News sucks (oh, wait, he didn't teach me that, he just pointed me in the direction of the madness that's going on in it lately re: a 14-year-old boy who was suspected of being in a "goth gang" and having plans on blowing up his middle school. There isn't even such thing as a "goth gang," you stupid fucks.)

I would love to just ignore it. I do have high capacities for ignoring things that bother me. And don't start talking to me about how that's unhealthy, either, because I am really the most mentally stable person I know lately. Every girlfriend I have is going through shitty things that make them doubt themselves, think themselves less of a person just 'cause of shitty boys, and think they'll never find anyone that loves them: I love you guys though! Seriously, though, after talking about getting into unexplainable depressions with Amy for like an hour, and reading a lot about the hellish shit that my nicholas goes through, I realized that I really have never gotten into the kind of depression that made me think I wasn't the same cool girl that I usually consider myself to be. Every gigantic moody terrifying pit I've ever gotten myself into, as I do suppose all teenagers must at some point, I would be entirely pissed at certain other people who were devastating me, or everyone in the world was just fucking stupid and worthless. But I don't recall ever thinking that I was stupid or worthless, or undeserving, or never going to find people who loved me.

Either that makes me one of the luckiest people in the world, or the most conceited.

All apologies for the disjointed nature of the above. I have a good feel for how paragraphs should begin, and when I need to cut to a new one, but I go off on far far too many tangents to have the topic of any given paragraph be very cohesive. Or at all.

I love and miss you every second, nicholas loren black.