mmmarilyn

5.13pm
Monday
8 November 2004

Forget about ruling the world, I can barely get the automatic doors at Save-On-Foods to acknowledge my existence. So I have to take what life sends me. I put a smile on it. I seethe. I leave work a few hours early. I get cranked in a downtown parking lot. I fly high and develop elaborate schemes to elevate human consciousness. I come down.
Douglas Coupland, Hey Nostradamus!

I've been waiting and waiting until I was in a better situation with my mental and physical health before I made a post here, but it is beginning to look like I will never overcome the plague that is racking my body and soul.

Key Pitiful Moment: After getting in bed at 7 last night because I couldn't bear to be awake any longer, and having 14 hours of fitful, sweaty sleep, I wake up completely starving, but also completely nauseous, so that looking in the fridge and contemplating any consumption, I dry heave into the sink for many horrible minutes until I finally bang my head on it and get my mouth and eyes to stop watering and the hot flashes to fucking dissipate. This is particularly sad and horrific because I hate throwing up more than pretty much anything, but can usually look on the bright side that at least you feel better after it is all out. Doesn't work when there's nothing in your stomach.

Freaky Body Mods: Alien swollen spots on my neck, supposedly lymph nodes fighting the plague, but they are not doing a hellavu lot of good. Pink serpentine rash snaking around my arms and tummy and hips and luckily not my face anymore, not too much.

• × • × • × •

Reading two good books lately:

Hey Nostradamus!, which has absolutely renewed my faith in Coupland and makes me think he's likely my favorite modern author.

Unbending Gender: Why Family and Work Conflict and What to Do About It, shockingly realistic without being pessimistic, this book is pretty much totally blowing my mind as far as making me consciously realize inequalities that everyone knows about, but doesn't always think about. Deja vu to when I was eight and seriously planning on being the first female president, and then suddenly having it hit me that mommies and daddies don't even split up housework fairly, who the hell did I think I was that I could have a real effect persuading against that omnipresence?

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