11.40pm
Monday
27 September 2004

ask yourself if you're happy

I did an eternity of thinking over the course of this past weekend. For whatever reason, I was unable to stop focusing on the differences between boys and girls. And how they change over the course of your life. I thought a lot about my childhood too, which was nice, because I had an almost idyllic time throughout my entire kidhood. There were one or two time periods when my parents were fighting a lot, and that was always very scary for me, but on the whole, I had a grand time being young and having fun. [ETA: Because this maybe wasn't entirely clear, the fabulous wonderful childhood for the vast majority of it was entirely due to my parents being fabulous and wonderful. I have wonderful memories of so many Christmases and car trips and making hot dogs and homemade playdough in the kitchen, and the mention of the fighting is just me saying that that is THE ONLY thing I ever remember being bad, and it was only because I love my parents so much that the idea that they were angry at eachother EVER and it was grown-up stuff I couldn't do anything about was very scary. I definitely don't think they should have tried to hide conflict from me or anything. The biggest thing I learned is to not try to live in tiny places and think everything is going to be a barrel of cozy monkeys. Though I suppose I didn't learn that lesson very well, see: Hartford Place.] My brother and I were bestest buds until we started getting to be teenagers, when I guess we decided that the opposing gender wasn't cool for much.

But then I went to Whole Foods and bought exactly what I wanted, even though it was simply ginger ale, a bouquet of flowers I got to pick bits of myself, and a pineappple. Because I felt like it, and I can do whatever I feel like now. It is kinda nice too.

• × • × • × •

I'm still very opposed to the idea of having a "boyfriend," and/or falling in "love," partially because I get annoyed at the very thought, and partially because I worry about myself and how easily I allow myself to be defined by whatever boy has taken my fancy. Of course it is natural to be interested in the things that compose another person, and, in fact, I love that facet of hanging out with new people v. much; I love finding out new things that I didn't really think about that fascinate someone else. But in the same way that I dislike the fact that my favorite movie SAYS SOMETHING VITAL about my own personality, I'm absolutely not ready to pick a PERSON, my favorite person in the world? Not only does that make an extravagant declaration of what you think is cool in this world, it will totally alter your life in unbelievable ways. I think I have the capacity to be happy with many many different people--I have almost complete contempt for that "soulmate" bullshit--but there are so many different paths of happiness, and so many different aspects of it that I want.

• × • × • × •

My mom gave me a gentle nudge to let me know that I should consider finding "a great man." Hi, Momma! Totally working on that!

• × • × • × •

To do, guesstimated, because I don't have my little pink book, and I am so socially booked, I just can't keep it straight without:

Tomorrow: Coupling at Ghini's, missing freaking Gilmore Girls, wahhh, I cannot wait untill we have cable and the Replay is going strong again. I am so unaccustomed to not being able to pause the TV when the phone rings.

Wednesday: Catfish, then trivia at The Local.

Thursday: Ulysses at the Highlander?

Saturday: Nick and Eric's party!

Monday: Dentist appointment at 2.30

Tuesday: Soup Night: The Return!

Sometime between all that:
× Call Dave re: garbage disposal, ask about painting?
× Paint nails
× Write journal entries
    (subset: maybe go through archives and eliminate broken links, maybe finish astrological bio, maybe write new current bio, maybe transcribe some diary entries from 7th-12th grade paper journals I've been looking through recently.)
× Clean bathroom
× Finish straightening closet
× Start making a decision on a bureau and bedside tables
× Finish hanging pictures
× Vacuum upstairs and downstairs
× Buy curtains?
× Make sure everyone I know is going to come wish me a happy birthday on October 23rd and also give Elise and Casey happy housewarming hugs.
× Work on my poor old Linux box and get 1) CD drive working, 2) HARD DRIVE ALIVE??? 3) connection to the jihad?, and 4) mplayer optimized.
× Get freakishly excited about Mirah coming in a couple weeks!
× Go to sleep.

<<< ||| >>>